wtf #1: the weather

As David Byrne says in "Toe Jam":


A boy looks at a girl,
And a girl looks like a pony.
She gallops all day long
In between my toes.


Hm.  That's wrong.  Let's try it again.  As David Byrne says in "Toe Jam":


Every day is fucking perfect!
It's a paradise!


That's the one.  That's what it's like in Arizona.  All the time.  I mean, I guess it gets a little warm in the summertime.  Maybe even a lot warm.  But still...the mornings are lovely, the nights are great, and every freaking place you go has air conditioning (unless you drive a old-ass Jetta that does not).  And yet...


The local news here acts like the local news anyplace else; it's based on either fear or sap, and people watch it and say "Oh my, what is this world coming to?" and then, "[Sigh], cats are so effing cute!"  I hate the news...but that's for another day.


No, what is absolutely ridiculous about the weather in Arizona is the way they report the weather.  They report the weather as though it's going to change.  But it isn't.  Every cut-in weather update features an update on the weather, and every news half-hour features at least two, if not three, check-ins on the weather.  But guess what...it's always the same damn thing!  I know the temperature falls within a daily range of about, well, 4 degrees over a week.  But seriously...it's hot in the summer and it cools off slightly as the months wear on.  But cripes...it's reported in this breathless way, like the weatherman is some fucking genius..."It's gonna be 84 today, then in the low 80s later this week, then the mid- to upper-80s over the weekend."  


And then there's the "monsoon."  Yep, there's a couple weeks in the late summer when some rain is expected.  But these people act all fucking shocked when it doesn't rain.  Hey!  Numbnuts!  You live in the Damn Desert!  It doesn't rain much!  It ain't gonna green your lawn!  But they talk about it every freaking day as though it's imminent.  Ugh.


It's an old saw; Being a weatherman in Arizona is the easiest job in the world.  Well no shit.  But the same people who say that hang on the weatherman's every word, as though he actually has something to forecast.


Ugh.  wtf, arizona?