Case in point: this letter that was printed today on the ongoing debate over whether female sailors should be allowed to serve on submarines. Let's break down this fabulous little missive, shall we?
Regarding the issue of women serving on U.S. submarines: This should never happen.
Quick to the point, to the point no fakin'.
On surface ships, there are a number of men and women who have had their careers ruined because they could not resist sexual temptations.
Right. They didn't throw away their careers for some lovin', they had them ruined by someone else and, of course, those nasty uncontrollable urges.
To put a small number of women on a submarine for 85 days underwater in close quarters is asking for issues.
You know, because of those urges. I assume that the "issues" being asked for when putting a small number of women in those close quarters are, you know, rape and stuff. Because that's what men do. Not because they want to, of course. It's the temptations. And those slutty female sailors. Sluts.
This would also create issues with wives of those submarine sailors.
Well, yeah, because they know what's going to happen. They've been in close quarters with these men and their man parts and they know what happens when a man feels temptation. Not a damn thing to be done about it.
As a retired submariner, I do not believe men and women should serve together on submarines.
I assume that he knows what happens when the temptation strikes. You know, as a retired submariner who spent 85 days at a time in close quarters with a whole bunch of dudes.
Women can do the job any man on submarines can do...
Oh! So our submariner is an enlightened 21st Century Gentleman who is all about equality! He knows that women can do anything men can do...
therefore, I recommend having a submarine with an all-women crew.
and as we all know, when people are equal, the fairest, most logical thing to do is to keep them separate! There's certainly nothing wrong with keeping one group of people completely separate from another as long as they're totally equal, right?
This should please all spouses and prevent any sailor, man or woman, from ruining their career because they could not resist sexual temptations.
You know it! Because, again, the temptation thing. Can't be controlled. No reason to try.
Let's not put our sailors in jeopardy.
Right...the kind of jeopardy that can only be caused by (gasp!) Sexual Temptation! But by all means, continue putting our sailors in jeopardy by, you know, fighting wars and shit.
We can still have equal rights for women who would like to serve on submarines and still maintain professionalism.
Oh, I get it! It's about professionalism! But why stop with segregating by sex? I mean, I'm sure there are white sailors who are so incredibly tempted to tell some black jokes. Wouldn't it be easier if submarine crews were also segregated by skin color? Or maybe socio-economic status? And why stop with submarines? We probably oughta segregate the rest of the military...and schools...and public places. You know, because of the temptation. How have we ever gotten anything done in this society, what with all the inter-mingling of all these different people?
To sum up:
Sailors cannot control their temptations, especially with sluts around.
Because of the sluts and temptations, many sailors' careers have been ruined.
It's not the sailor's fault; can you control yourself when there are sluts around? You wish!
People who are different should be separated from one another. Even though they're equally as capable as one another.
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