wtf #2: the train

I arrived in town from the GWN (that's the Great White North) last Monday.  I walked into MSP and it was, well...shitty.  I walked out of PHX and it was sunny and warm and just see wtf #1 if you need a description of what things are like around here weather-wise.


So it being mid-Monday-morning and m'old lady slavin' away and me not knowin' anybody else but my Gammy, I figure I gotta figure out some way to get m'self home without gettin' on the SuperShuttle and payin' for a $30 ride or some such nonsense.


Well I know that the PHX (the city, not the airport) is ridin' the ever-popular public transit wave, and I know that they have some pretty sweet-lookin' light-rail trains:

Pretty bitchin', right?  They've sort of got that clean, sleek, retro-futuristic look that I totally dig.  And whatever that crap in the background is looks kind of the-future-as-seen-from-the-'50s as well.  Plus, as you can see from this photo of a race they had, the train is totally faster than a bus, so that's awesome.  Also, I'm pretty sure that hotel on the left is called the Westward Ho.  Heh.  Ho.


At any rate, who doesn't want to ride that train?  And I could ride the train to near m'lady's workplace, catch a bus the rest of the way, hop in the POS and drive home.  Simple.  And cheap as hell, right?  Right.


No.  


I'm not sure how to adequately describe the turdfest that was my first experience riding the Valley Metro.  It started out real pleasant-like.  I got on the shuttle that goes from the airport to the nearest transit center (since I lived in Minneapolis, stupid shit like putting a light rail line near, but not to, the airport just rolls right off my back like oil off an otter being washed with Dawn).  Took two minutes.  As I'm riding, I'm looking up the appropriate bus to take once I hop off the train at Camelback.  Suddenly, I encountered:


Ridiculous Valley Metro Item #1:
Bus fare is $1.75.  Train fare is $1.75.  But to ride the train and then the bus, or vice versa?  $3.50.  That's right, they double-dip you.  Hm.  I'm vexed.  


But I press on.  I discover that I could ride just the bus to the ol' workplace.  Alright.  I'll ride that sexy ol' train some other time.  So I hop off the shuttle and head over to the ticket machine at the light rail station as I rarely carry cash.  I read the fare list, which says the following:


"SINGLE-FARE BUS OR RAIL TICKET--$1.75"


So I shove my card up in there and purchase my single-fare bus ticket.  I walk back across the street to the bus stop and wait for the driver of the parked (and running, natch) bus.  He gets on, and I board.  Now, my fare ticket that I bought doesn't have a magnetic strip like the ones I'm used to in Minneapolis, so I show it to the driver and say, "What do I do with this?"  He gives me the ol' dumbshit look and says, "That's a train ticket.  You can only use it on the train."  I told him that that's not what the sign says and he tells me, "Read the ticket, idiot."  Well, he left off the "idiot," but only just barely.  I tell him that's not what the machine says, and he says, "Yeah, well, read the ticket, asshole."  Again, except for the last part (but it was implied).  


Whatever.  So I go back over to the light rail.  I hop on and right it up to Camelback.  Not bad.  And I start hoofin' it.  Cartin' a duffel bag in one hand and my bitchin' metal case in t'other, I start thumpin' along.  I walk 24 blocks in my Minnesota jeans gettin' a sweet-ass sunburn until the lady comes and picks me up.


Next day, my neck was really sore.  Valley Metro, I blame you.  Double-dip fares?  Incorrect signage?  Smarmy bus drivers?  


wtf, arizona?