wtf #7: fish in a barrel

Ok, so I know that it's easy pickin's to make fun of the letters to the editor...but Sweet Fancy Moses! some of them are funny.  Here's the latest gem:


Another truth from the World Series
    The World Series confirmed it!  You cannot play professional baseball unless you know how to spit!


Really?  I mean, really?  Why are they printing stuff like this?  And why, D.D. from Sun City, are you wasting your time writing something like that into the newspaper?  I mean, I have to assume that you sent your letter in the mail, otherwise you could've just hopped on your 'puter and posted a comment somewhere.  But you took the time to write a letter (or maybe type it on your typewriter?) in because you felt so strongly about it.  I can only imagine how that conversation went with Mrs. D...


Mr. D: Look at those kids out there!  They spit more than they play!
Mrs. D: Yes, dear. (Goes back to her catalog)
Mr. D: No wonder this game is taking so long!  Look at all that spitting!
Mrs. D: Mm-hmm...
Mr. D: Oh my God!  I wouldn't even walk on that field!  My shoes would get all wet!
Mrs. D: (silence)
Mr. D: In my day, spitting was considered foul! disgusting! uncouth! unacceptable!  And now...look at 'em!
Mrs. D: (silence)
Mr. D: Look at 'em!  Whoa!  Look at that one!  He must be dry by now!
Mrs. D: Oh.  Well, what can you do, dear?
Mr. D: ("Leaps" up from his recliner.) I'll tell you what I'm gonna do!  I'm gonna write a later!  This must be dealt with!  I'll be in my office!
Mrs. D: Oh good, dear. (Sighs.)


And now, here is the Arizona Republic, validating an old man's complaints.  Nice work.  I imagine that upcoming letters will include:


"In my day, we didn't even have cell phones.  And now, the kids are texting while driving!  The other day, I almost got rear-ended by a driver who was so busy texting he didn't see me driving 45 mph in the left lane with my blinker on!"
(You see, this one's funny because old people are bad drivers.)


"You know, it's none of my business, but can't someone make these longhairs cut their hair?  I mean, it's none of my business, but it just can't be comfortable."
(That one's funny because old people are meddlers who like to pretend things don't bother them for fear of looking like meddlers.)


"I'm not a racist, but I just don't think Obama should be able to be the president.  I've just got a bad feeling about that guy.  Not because he's black...but look at him!  There's something wrong there.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's there.  I hope he fails."
(And that one is funny because old people watch Fox News.  Well, that's not so much funny as it is sad, I guess.)


And after that will come a letter, I assume, from this dude.